Happy New Years!

Happy New Years hopefully this year I can do some good!

675 calories already today.
There's something wrong with this picture.

At least its only 4:15PM. Means I got some time to work it off and avoid any other food.

Cigarettes.

No calories in a cigarette.

Why did I even bother checking?

Night Time.

So done with food for the day.

Breakfast - Starbucks Tall Peppermint Mocha Latte (250 calories)
Lunch - Rice (200 Calories), Lemonade Rockstar (20 calories)
Supper - Two Marco's Cheesesticks

Doing Good So Far.

Only had a tall peppermint mocha latte sans whipped cream. (250 calories)
Or maybe it did have whipped cream but if so it was little to none.

Oh and a Rockstar lemonade (20 calories).

So 11:41AM and up to 270 calories. I suppose that's okay as long as I skip lunch. C:

Goal for today: Anywhere below 850 calories. <3

My Boyfriend.

He doesn't know about any of this.

However I have another secret to.
My ex-boyfriend doesn't know about my current boyfriend.

I think I do it so that way in the future, I can still turn to my ex after college and say "Hey, I want to be back with you." And I know at that time he'll say yes. He's already said he would.

God, I love him. But I'm scared I'm falling for my current boyfriend.

I don't know. My life is twisted. This is why I stay somewhat anonymous.

I'm Changing This.

I've decided I shall officially change this to my journal of sorts.

I am pro-ana.
Don't think that means I want to turn every girl on to eating disorders (or males for that matter).
But I am open and honest of this eating disorder and shall stay this way.
Stats? Here they are:

Weight: 136 lbs
Height: 5'4"
Measurements aren't able to be done right now. I left my measuring tape at college.

So let me tell you of all my goals. ;)

GW1: 130 lbs
GW2: 125 lbs
GW3: 120 lbs
GW4: 110 lbs
UGW: 105

I'm Doing Good.

Yesterday was tough. But today was better.
I only ate 813 calories total today.

Breakfast:
1/2 a Cinnabon - 365

Skipped Lunch

Supper:
2 Eggs - 180
1.5 Pieces of Toast - 153
2 Strips of Bacon - 70
Green Tea - 45

I feel really proud of myself today. So I'm going to count this as a great day.

Been A While.

I've started college this past semester so its been tough to get a grip on life. I was off this blog for a while but now I'm back!
I'm having trouble struggling with my eating disorder.

Its back.

But right now its making me happy and beautiful.
Only 30 pounds until my ultimate goal weight. But you all are the only ones who know!

I'll be back again, but for now I must sleep. I'm tired.

My Own Island.

I've spouted incessantly about how I've want my own island.
Well now I've finally claimed one as my own.
It just so happens to be a chain of two small (3x3 ft) pieces of land.
And the largest of the chain (the main island) is 10x15 ft.
Oh the joys.
Its a new country I've decided.
We have our own religion.
And currency.
We're not recognized though by anyone else.
Its cool though.
The population is made of the royal court (me) and my dog.
On warm days.

I'm Not Religious But.

Imagine that you are talking to a man who's preaching about the sins committed against God.
He's had premarital sex and once married a woman who he committed adultery upon then divorced.
This man is utterly detestable.
Yet here he goes spewing words of hate towards the non-heterosexual population.
What gives a man a right to tell someone that their sins are worst then his own when in actuality all sins are equal but a few.
Tell this man that homosexuals have committed one sin, but he has committed multiple.
This man has no right.
He is nothing that matters in the long run.
He is not the Holy Spirit.
He is not Jesus.
He is not God.

And therefore can not put words into His mouth.

ED-NOS

I've been free of my eating disorder for almost two years now.

But I feel so large and revolting.
I want to starve myself again.

Maybe this time you wont be able to get me to recover.
Maybe this time you'll realize what your joking words do to me.
Maybe this time I'll prove I've got the willpower.

But I won't go through with any of it.
What would people think of me?
Disgust?
Concern?
Pity?

How sickening.

Hair.

I've decided which color I wanna dye my hair. C:
I want it to be the same color as the girl in the picture.

On another note, last nite me and my mum had a role reversal. I had to go to the bathroom but I was watching the dog. Thinking it'd be fine, I said "Watch Emery for a minute." She agreed but I didn't look to see if she'd gotten up. I come out and she's still sitting, still watching our pausable television. I then realized she'd not looked at our dog whatsoever.
Our dog wasn't on her leash and I was watching to make sure she pooed. My mother then proceeded to apologize and I just had to laugh at how much this was like me. She closed the door and pointed to the boots to make me go find her. She mouthed I love you and I about went into convulsions of laughter. Thats what I do to her all the time! c:
Needless to say it was a nice nite all nite.

On another note I've decided which color I wanna dye my hair. C:
I want it to be the same color as the girl in the picture at the top.